Even if every relationship you’ve had so far has blown up in your face, you have what it takes to attract and enjoy a lasting, loving relationship. You can get married if you want. How do I know? Because I was a colossal failure at relationships. The longest one I managed in my long series of disasters lasted nine whole months. And they were a hard and painful nine months. Fast forward years later. I had the experience to tell me what I did not want in a relationship.

I sat down, pen and paper in hand, and decided what I did want. Then I asked myself if such a relationship was even possible. I looked around for evidence of similar relationships to which I aspired. (I could watch TV and read the tabloids if I wanted “evidence” to relationships to which I did not aspire. You can, too, I’m sure.) With eyes open, I found people in healthy, monogamous relationships that delighted them and gave me the evidence I needed. I made a game of it.

What kinds of things would you and your husband (or the perfect man for you) do together? Once I knew what I wanted and understood that having it was indeed possible, I started to picture myself in the future, enjoying my perfect relationship. I made a game of it. I took out my trusty pen and paper and started a sentence: “My husband and I…” If I had the wonderful husband I wanted, what would we do together? This was one idea I had: “My husband and I walked to Bowne Park.

The trees bent slightly in the warm breeze, leaves lush and glistening. I sat on the swing. My husband adjusted his glasses. He pushed me. He pushed me higher and higher. I closed my eyes against the bright sun, and then the sky darkened. A summer shower pounded on us, soaking our clothes. My husband grabbed my hand. We ran for shelter, smelling the rain. He took off his glasses and tried to dry them with his wet shirt. Giving up, he laughed. I laughed, and he kissed me.